I was debating about whether or not to share this part of my journey. But I’ve learned that these little “aha” moments can be valuable for others, too. So, I’m sharing this for myself and for the person who may need to hear this, too.
For 20 years, I climbed the corporate marketing ladder. As a high-achiever and Enneagram 3 (The Achiever), I thrived on success and loved the recognition that came with it. But deep down, my drive was fueled by fear—fear of not belonging, not being good enough, and not being worthy of love. I knew it, and I knew I chased success in my desperate attempts to quiet the inner critic.
My fear was rooted in childhood trauma.
Over the past three years, as I’ve focused deeply on healing and growth, I’ve reflected on this inner drive.
Was it all trauma? Am I not naturally a high-achiever? For a long time, I couldn’t reconcile my need to be “seen” with the impact of my trauma. I assumed they were inseparable, believing my ego was driving this craving for validation.
For a long time, I believed my craving for “more” was solely rooted in trauma, pain, and fear—a reflection of my wounds rather than a spiritual calling.
As I sit here, I’m still making sense of this latest spiritual download of information. It’s been one of the most profound awakenings yet in my journey…
The need to feel “seen” exists at a soul level. Words feel inadequate to describe this fully, but here’s the best way I can explain it: My soul craves being seen for the light I can share with others. In contrast, my ego—and my trauma—craved being seen to feel worthy.
It’s two sides of the same coin. For so long, I felt shame about wanting to be seen, and I resisted it. This struggle came to a head recently when I questioned whether to leave behind a large social media following. It’s all connected.
My ego whispered, “To be seen, you must lead. You must be visible and accessible.” This belief, too, was rooted in trauma.
But my soul is saying, “You are here to be a guide, a beacon of hope and love. You are visible simply by being. You don’t have to do anything more. Just be.”
I crave being seen for the light I bring. I crave growth, healing, and sharing messages of love.
For the first time, I can discern the difference.
Being a Guide in this World
I’ve come to realize that I’m not meant to be a leader—I’m meant to be a guide.
To me, a leader generates energy in external waves, often highly visible and driven by the ego to propel them forward (not always, but often). A guide, on the other hand, moves quietly, sharing a subtle energy that takes root within others, fostering internal transformation.
While the distinction might seem small, for me, it’s absolutely not.
My design as a Projector calls me to share knowledge and truth in a way that honors my unique energy needs. I don’t thrive on constant human interaction; small, meaningful doses are more than enough for me. I’m the hermit who emerges occasionally to share insights, then retreats to my cozy cottage to recharge and read for hours.
For a long time, I struggled to reconcile this with the idea of being a leader. I thought leadership required stepping outside my safe space to be constantly visible and available. But I’ve realized that as a guide, I can honor my energy and still make an impact—right from where I feel most at home.
Honor your Truth
The quiet moments bring the greatest insights. Truth often whispers while the ego screams, demanding attention. But the ego isn’t the enemy—it’s a teacher. It guides us toward the truth when we’re ready to listen. And slowing down allows us to hear it.
