© Copyright Kristina Bentle 2024
As a Wanderer and spiritual being, I know the question, “Did I choose this pain?” can be profoundly divisive based on your beliefs. I should know because I have sat on both sides of the fence, so-to-speak.
My life has been molded and shaped by trauma that most people can’t even dream of. I became a widow in my early 20s after a lifetime of childhood abuse and neglect.
Chronic pain, anxiety, and severe depression were commonplace for me. So, when someone implied that I chose this, it felt deeply hurtful, dismissive, and downright pretentious.
Most of the people who told me I chose this pain were speaking from a place of ignorance. In my experience, these individuals often believed that because they had overcome (what I see as) minor trauma, those of us with profound trauma simply weren’t trying hard enough. But the truth is, it’s like comparing apples to oranges—two completely different experiences that the same standard can’t measure.
With that being said, I’ve spent almost two decades on a healing journey to heal from deep trauma wounds. I’ve lost a lot to trauma, including years of my life, portions of my health, relationships, and years of happiness.
According to the lessons passed down by Ra, our soul’s purpose is to learn and grow. In this third density, lessons are often forged in the fire of challenges and adversity. As we advance in our spiritual evolution, we begin to transcend the limitations of this dense and heavy reality, moving toward higher realms of love and light.
Each density of experience is carefully designed to guide the soul’s evolution back to the original thought—the One Creator. The third density is unique in that it is marked by the veil of forgetting, obscuring our awareness of where we came from. This illusion of separation fosters a sense of disconnection. Yet, it is precisely this separation that ignites a deep longing and a desire to seek answers, propelling the soul’s growth and awakening.
Think of it this way: if a child goes to school already knowing all the answers to the test, would they feel the need to study or make an effort? Probably not.
This veil serves a similar purpose—it ensures we engage fully with the lessons and challenges of this density. Without the veil, we would remember our connection to the Creator, making it easy to bypass the struggle and growth necessary for spiritual evolution. The illusion of separation may feel painful, but it is also the catalyst that drives us to seek, learn, and ultimately evolve.
From this perspective, our pain and challenges can be seen as intentional catalysts for growth. They are not punishments or random misfortunes but opportunities carefully chosen by our soul before incarnation. As difficult as it may be to accept, our soul understands that profound growth often requires profound challenges. These experiences push us beyond our limits, forging strength, compassion, and wisdom.
I don’t believe any soul sets out with the intention to endure unnecessary pain. Instead, I believe our souls choose certain circumstances that provide the best environment for growth, much like a student chooses challenging courses to develop their skills. The pain is not the goal—it’s the process of transformation that matters.
Looking back on my journey, I can now see the gifts hidden in the suffering. My trauma taught me resilience, empathy, and a depth of understanding that I would never have gained otherwise. It also inspired me to seek answers and connect more deeply with my spiritual path.
While I wouldn’t wish my experiences on anyone, I can acknowledge that they shaped me into the person I am today—a person capable of helping others through their own pain.
On a soul level, we chose the conditions that can lead to growth, knowing they can be difficult. As a human living through these experiences, the pain can often feel unbearable, and the purpose unclear. Yet, our soul is infinite and comprehends these experiences in a much more expansive view.
It’s like a parent enrolling their child in swimming lessons. The parent knows it’s important for the child to learn to swim—it’s a skill that could save their life and open up so many joyful experiences. But the child, struggling to stay afloat and frustrated by the effort, can’t yet see the bigger picture. They are angry and frustrated as they flail in the water, trying to learn. The parent understands the temporary discomfort is part of something much greater, just as our soul comprehends the purpose behind life’s challenges, even when we can’t.
So, in the end, the question isn’t just, “Did I choose this pain?” but rather, “What is the lesson?” Because this life is about evolution and growth, and when we begin to see that in everything around us, we can find the purpose of our soul.
Journey of a Wanderer is dedicated to those seeking healing, self-discovery, and spiritual awakening. Here, Wanderers, Empaths, and sensitive souls find guidance, resources, and community support on their path toward inner transformation.
© Copyright Kristina Bentle 2024