I woke up this morning reflecting on the weight of this world. I often get overwhelmed by things that others don’t even perceive. For a long time, it felt like a flaw. How can a human being exist in a chaotic, fast, and brutal world when feeling so deeply? The answer lies in the choices I made to come here.
As a Wanderer, I didn’t come to fit in. I didn’t come here to go with the flow. I came here to feel it all and to experience it all. But not so that it would be painful… but for me to learn. I realize how my gifts can help this planet each day I reflect and grow. Today, when I woke up and meditated, I had a vision. A vision of me glowing on a mountaintop and sharing love with all those around me.
While I was on the top of a mountain full of wisdom and deep love, the rest of the humans were working to climb the mountain and stuck in places of pain and despair. I would feel so guilty when I had this vision in the past. I do not embrace hierarchy in any sense of the word—I never have. As I would later learn, hierarchy is one of the foundations of the service-to-self path. Which is why I’ve always felt deeply disconcerted about it. So, this vision of being on a mountain never aligned with me before today.
For the first time, I realized that being on that mountain wasn’t about being better than anyone—which was my first interpretation from my human perspective. Being from a place of more advanced wisdom means just that… having more wisdom. It’s like having an older brother or sister with more life experience. They stand taller, not because they are better, but because they’ve grown and physically stand taller. When I began to feel that this morning during my meditation, everything became more clear.
As a Wanderer on this Earth, I carry more wisdom and love from experience. Embracing that can give me more comfort and make the pain more neutral. For a long time, I’ve struggled with the cruelty and nastiness of people on this planet. I’ll give you an example: I had a moment this week when I went to dinner with some family. These family members are cold and lack empathy. So, it’s always been painful to be around them. After the dinner, I shared some of my experiences on social media because, frankly, I was in deep pain.
On that social media post, I was met with mostly support. But I also had two comments that still stick in my mind:
“Pathetic.”
“You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself.”
Both comments stung deeply. And I’ve been reflecting on why they hurt so bad. I realize that when people make comments like this, they are addressing me while knowing .000000000001% of my story. So, deep down, I feel unseen because they are wrong, don’t know me, and are making assumptions. From a human perspective, I just want to feel seen, heard, and validated. Which is the exact opposite of what these comments convey.
Today, when I bring the vision of the mountain into my mind, I can see how these comments are not about me. I imagine small, innocent children trying to make their way up the mountain. I see that they are covered in a dome that keeps them believing in the illusion of separation. And they are screaming, throwing dirt, and hurling insults up the mountain to hit me with it. I have 2 choices. One is to come down to their level of pain and anger, to feel it with them, and be overtaken by the wrath of a dysregulated toddler. Or I can stand with wisdom on the mountaintop full of love and light. I can be a light of hope for them to keep climbing and advancing and seeing what’s possible when we embrace love.
I felt a deep sense of peace during my meditation with this vision today. A connection and alignment with the One Infinite Creator. My sensitivity and struggle with this world have never been about feeling better or worse—it’s about embracing my role here to serve. Today, I stand tall in the wisdom I bring to this planet. I also give myself grace for those moments when I waiver and fall. Because that’s just as much part of this learning experience.
