In this human existence, pain is inevitable because it’s what helps us grow and learn. Yet, many of us can get stuck in the pain. Then, we fail to move forward because it becomes too much to bear.
I started writing and sharing my story because I felt profoundly alone in this world. As someone who has carried the weight of immense pain, I often looked at others’ lives and felt a deep sense of disconnection—especially from those in the healing and wellness industry.
It seemed like everywhere I turned, there were coaches and mentors running marathons, living in sprawling homes, jet-setting across the globe, and enjoying privileges that felt so far out of reach for me. I’m not speaking from a place of envy anymore. That used to be the case, but not now. Now, I see it through the lens of recognition: I couldn’t relate to them because our lived experiences were worlds apart.
Feeling disconnected
How could I learn to heal from someone who’s never had to claw their way out of the depths of poverty and severe abuse? Someone who grew up in a loving household with stability that I could only dream of?
How could I learn to mend my heart from someone who’s never been emotionally abused and deeply neglected and instead enjoys the warmth of a supportive partner?
How could I learn to rebuild my mind, body, and spirit from someone who’s never faced the edge of life itself—their health shattered by trauma’s relentless grip? Someone who’s always lived with the gift of vitality?
And most of all, how could I learn to thrive from teachers and coaches who’ve never endured the crushing weight of all these struggles combined?
It’s not that their wisdom isn’t valuable. It’s just that, for someone like me, their perspective feels incomplete.
In my journey, I’ve come to understand that pain can be a barrier, and I’ve learned to honor it fully. Pain isn’t something to dismiss or minimize—it’s a part of the story that shapes us.
Failing to honor the truth about pain
What I’ve noticed, though, is that many coaches and teachers fail to honor this. Too often, these are the ones who’ve lived lives of privilege. I’m not saying they haven’t had their struggles, but there’s a difference between pain you can bounce back from and pain that fundamentally changes you.
Let me be clear: I’m not suggesting you stay stuck in your pain, nor am I encouraging anyone to become a victim to it. What I’m saying is this: it’s time to recognize when you’ve been through something that not everyone can understand. And maybe—just maybe—it’s time to stop taking advice from people who’ve never walked the kind of path you’ve had to endure.
Far too often, I see people undermining someone else’s journey, implying that healing is simple, that it’s just a matter of mindset or effort. But what they don’t realize is that true healing isn’t about fixing one part of your life. It’s about navigating every fractured piece of it—mind, body, and soul.
Healing is not one-size-fits-all, and it’s certainly not easy. Honoring your pain means honoring your unique path, even if others don’t understand it.
